Tuesday, March 8, 2011

.. Sometimes, the world ...

.. sometimes, the world really is flat.
Two sides and an edge that drops off into a deep void
with no air and nothing but my own heartbeat to hold on to.
So I spin 'round as quickly as I can,
faster and faster, 'round and 'round,
because if I spin fast enough
there's no edge, no finite place.

But I have to stop eventually.
The dizziness, the momentum, gravity
conquers again.
I fall.. the world falls.
The sky is spinning, but the world has stopped.
I lie on the edge, crying as the sky spins overhead.
It's supposed to be round. It's not supposed to stop.

Why I can't I make it round? When did
Santa stop being real
the Tooth Fairy become my mother
Jack Frost stop painting my windows
circus clowns become old guys in paint
princesses become politics
the magic fade away?
my glass become harder to fill?

They don't tell you
that the dragon slayers
come home from battle with nightmares and
hollow spaces you can't fill.
that the sidewalk really does end
and you can get lost over the edge.
that sometimes Cinderella doesn't find a prince
and might just have to climb the tower to
rescue Rapunzel and slap Snow White for
sucking down poison to escape reality.
how the prince drinks and tickles the scullery maid
when he thinks you aren't looking and
leaves bruises that won't heal
and broken souls behind him.

How do I make it round again? make the
fairy tales have happy endings and
write my own.
I don't know how
but I will. I must. I can.
I believe
in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy,
carpets can fly, fairies still dance.
that the hero can slay the dragon, slay his dragons
and be okay.
that the prince will get
what's coming to him
and the princesses will
save each other in the end.
I will have
snowflakes on my window
and sing silly songs in the dark
read stories to my cat
and blow bubbles in the rain.

Live flat. I won't.
My world is round.
 “I do not believe that sheer suffering teaches. If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers. To suffering must be added mourning, understanding, patience, love, openness and the willingness to remain vulnerable.” -Joseph Addison


Solo said...

Came here via Model Mayhem. These posts are stunning. You are a very intense person, maybe too intense, but at least you experience life deeper than most others who just skitter on the surface. To fully soak life, be filled with its dappled play of light and darkness within and without, is our burden and our joy.

There is no danger now of I ever thinking that models are dumb :)

Your profile there says you have some health issues. Hope they are sorted out now, or are on the path to it.

(P.S. I'm not a pro photographer or model, maybe that's why I had an immature idea of the modeling industry. Just going to upgrade to a bigger camera, so was doing research on photography, and landed up on a few extremely nice pics of yours, following links. More power to you.)

Bruce Meyer said...

This clothed portrait is very very good, one of the best dramatic portraits I've seen in a while.