Night after night.. different dreams, but not different.
A heavy breath.. rushing across my skin
lips touch mine, a tongue, a taste.
A push, an arm.. lifting, pulling
sliding me along a counter, then quickly
onto the bed.
A soft moan, a soft growl, fingers fumble
then catch.. a button, buttons, a zipper
cloth slides off with a whisper.
Teeth pulling, biting, scraping
a moan, a sigh, my back arching
your arm pulls closer.
My hand wraps across your neck, pulling
begging for that taste, those lips
My fingers search, find, grasp
you growl softly, I squeeze
pull, stroke.. firmly,
you groan again and lift my head to you.
A taste.. soft lips wrapping softer skin
down, into the warmth, pinning my tongue
then up again, gently, firmly
and again, squeezing
you push me back.
Hands pulling at my skin, digging
scratching, spanking, pinning me in place
legs parted, wrapped around
you push, I moan
and again, back inside, harder, faster.
I almost scream, biting it off into your shoulder
bite harder, digging my nails down your back
pulling, dragging, you thrust
again and deeper
yourself in me
me harder, faster
oh god keep going
and you go
teeth and nails, hard muscle, soft skin
fisted hair, searching mouth
a taste, lips, tongue
you swallow my moans, my sighs
muscles tense, you growl
i whimper, you groan
what? you ask, harder. I say
SMACK your hand on my ass
RIP my nails down your back
so tight. you say
so hard. I say
and we go
pushing me into the bed
pulling me to the edge
on my knees, i push
i push harder
you go deeper
a growl, a groan that rocks my heart
i move, you grab me
i moan, you fall into me
into me, onto me
we breathe, you sigh
a heavy breath, rushing across my skin.
the dream fades.
I'm sitting in a chair outside the front door. The sun has mostly set.. there's a faint splash of color left in the clouds and a soft night breeze brushes the hair across my face. I'm waiting, anxiously. I jump a little at the barking of a dog as I hear the sound of an engine coming closer. It gets close, idles for a bit, then dies as a door opens and shuts. I'm looking at my knees, my hands shaking with small tremors. A pair of boots step into my line of vision.. a voice starts to speak, then stops suddenly, silently, as attention is brought to the small box and the smaller piece of plastic in my hand. A soft grumble, somewhere between a whisper and a growl, as callused hands reach forward and take mine. I hear a voice .. it sounds so small and quiet, I don't realize it's my own at first.. "It's positive". I look up slowly, a smile gently crossing my face as tears blur my vision..
the dream fades.
I'm standing in front of a mirror in a bedroom. It's a long antique mirror, tall enough to reflect my body from head to ankles. I'm standing in front of it, nude, and simply looking at myself.
As I watch, the reflection shifts. My body shifts. My hips grow a bit wider, my belly begins to take on that familiar form of life quickening inside. My breasts grow heavy and rounder, my back shifts to accommodate the change. I can see the faint stretch marks as my skin flexes and grows to take on this new shape. As I watch, seeing nothing but the change taking place, I hear a voice, calling my name.. lower and stronger then my own. It sounds like velvet, and I can feel my pulse quicken, my heart warm with the sound of it, as I gently run my hand over the weight in my belly. I reach out to the mirror.. as if to brush a speck away..
and the dream fades.
The next.. I'm sitting in the grass, leaning back against a strong body. Arms encircling me and the soft bundle in my arms. A laugh, a soft squeeze, a chin resting on my shoulder and tickling my neck as I look down at sigh happily at a small, sleeping face. A hand reaches around and runs a finger along a tiny cheek, and we both inhale softly as big eyes slowly open and try to focus. A big yawn from a tiny, tiny mouth, and as I shift my body to bring that face closer to the larger one behind me..
the dream fades.
I'm sitting on a sidewalk, completely covered in colored dust. I can feel it on my face, my clothing, my hair. A small hand comes into view, picks up a piece of chalk, and begins to crudely scrape a daisy into the gray expanse before us. She turns, and looks at me proudly as she surveys her handiwork, and I hear her voice for the first time.. "Mommy, can we draw a horse too?" I laugh, and pick up another piece of chalk .. "Yes, but you have to help me, you make the best ones". I lean forward onto my palms, and can feel the rough concrete working it's way into my skin, sending up a small cloud of dust from the rolling sticks that scatter as I move forward. I lean forward to catch one as it attempts to escape..
the dream fades.
They repeat, every few nights I have one or another.. not always exactly the same.. but almost..
It scares me sometimes.. the surety, the realism of them. I've woken up with tears running down my face and an aching emptiness in my arms. I run my hands over my torso, wondering what's real. I'll sit, for hours sometimes, playing it over again in my head, grasping as much as I can as the details begin to fade. You create yourself in dreams.. wishes, hopes, worries, fears .. sometimes ones you never really thought you had.
I find myself. I've found myself. That person I am, and the one I want to be. Where I want to be.
Now. The hard part.