I still feel you..

your heart beat, your breath
the hair against my skin
sweat and muscle flexing, pushing
the shake of your body
when you push into me, pull from me
the hurried moan
closer, further, harder
my nails digging, ripping
a hard thrust
my breath catches in my throat
your name pounding through my blood
pulling you closer, tighter
dragging you into me
fucking me, holding me
breaking me
bearing into me
release

I can feel you
in my sleep, in my waking
every morning
every night
I try not to
but still

I can feel you

I'm running out of glue..

.. I scrap it, start over, and it breaks again.
I try to glue it together, but there's pieces missing,
or they aren't fitting properly, or the glue isn't working just right.
So I have to toss it and start over.. again.
It's frustrating. I feel clumsy, awkward.
My hands shake every so often, and my coordination is just..
not quite right.. for what I need.
I get confused, trying to figure out where to go with it,
what to do with it.
For a few blissful moments, sometimes, I can forget about it,
focus on something else. But I can't.
Because some things just have to be done.
So I do them.
I'm tired now. My back aches, breathing hurts some nights.
I promised that when it wasn't worth the tears, I'd move on..
so it's time. Time for a new try. To scrap the mess and start over.
Take some old parts, some new parts, a bit of glue, paint, string,
a little spit, a lot of luck, and hope.

Hope. That tiny, fluttering thing that can almost be unbearable
sometimes to carry around. It swells and grows at the least word or
gesture. It betrays sometimes.. that false beacon from a lost and lonely lamp.
It hurts. The pain .. I need it some days. Because I'd rather hurt, even to the
utter core of my being, then feel nothing. Be nothing.

Because if it hurts, there's still a chance. Still Hope. Still something there to break and bleed and crack and crumble. So I hurt.

And start looking for more glue.

What dreams are made of ..

Her message:

"Hi Natalie, thank you for accepting my friendship. I was drawn to your photo for a reason I wasn't sure why until just now. You are a beautiful model and soul. I had a long run in Mary Kay where I loved working with my ladies doing makeovers and was taught by many artists through the years. Also, I have had a strong inner urge the past few weeks to get back into the world of being a make-up artist. I believe now, that through my connecting with you, I have my question answered. Thank you Natalie for answering my prayers. ♥ ♥ ♥"


My rely:

There are things, sometimes, that remind us why we do so love what we do, what we dream of, what we hope to give of ourselves to the world around us.



And sometimes, there are things that make everything we work for worth the tears, the struggle, the laughter, the joys..



Thank you. For answering my prayers. For showing me that somewhere, this was all worth it to one person. That it inspired and encouraged the dreams of a dreamer to change their world just a little.